C.S. Lewis defines Eros as "love between the sexes." He says that this is the love between a couple and it deals a lot with sexual desires and feelings towards one another, although Lewis didn't seem to address this as much as I thought he would, which I liked. Even though this book was written many years ago it still can apply to our lives today, especially because our culture is so fixated with sexuality. I think that Lewis's life, after he converted to Christianity, is a great example of how we as Christians should live. He remained celibate for many years after he converted, then he married Joy and remained faithful to her. After Joy passed away then Lewis became celibate again. I find this aspect of his life to be so fascinating because it seems like our culture today shoves sexuality down our throats and makes it seem like it is okay to have sexual relationships outside/before marriage. I completely dissagree with this aspect of our culture because God calls us to remain sexually pure, it's even included in the commandment that says not to commit adultery. Even though Lewis lived many years ago, the culture back then was still aimed towards that more aggresive sexuality, maybe not as aggresive as our culture now, but it was still evident back then.
One quote I really liked from this book was when Lewis said that "falling in love happens to us, being in love is something we have to do." I completely agree with this statement. He goes on to say that falling in love is "easy", while being in love is "hard" and you need to work on it. He compares the idea of being in love with a garden. A garden can be beautiful, but it must be worked on constanty, it cannot simply just be planted and left unnattended, it needs attention or else the weeds will overrun it. This is just like a good marriage. Too many people go into marriage thinking that it will be easy and that they won't have to work very hard to keep it, and I think that is one of the reasons for why the divorce rate in America is so high. The couples that get divorces don't want to take the time to work on their marriage, so it's easier for them to just quit it and start over with the easy part of love, and that is the part where you fall in love.
I have heard of the word Eros before, so I had an idea about what this chapter of the book would be about, but Lewis surprised me...again. I'm glad that he didn't just focus on sex in this chapter, even though that is a big part of Eros, he explored the idea of marriage and falling and being in love, which I found interesting. In my experiences I have found that falling in love is mush easier than actually being in love, but I have also learned that being in love is one of the most rewarding and best things that one can ever be a part of. Lewis forced me to rethink my own ideas of falling in love, and I agree with his ideas for the most part. This was a tough chapter to read at times, but I know I will come back to this many times in the future.
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I like you last thought the being in love is perhaps one of the most rewarding and best things that one can be a part of. This is an important thing that short sighted society often fails to see. Also I think that we must find an enjoyment of sorts working on our relationship just as a gardener does in his garden. This reminds me a lot of my father. He is an early riser and works on the garden before the day has had a chance to dry it out and it has had a nights cool moisture and so the garden is most easily worked and he loves it. My father treats his marriage the same way, he spends time every morning with my mother before and while the sun comes up just deepening and cultivating a healthy relationship with her before she has time to get stressed out about work and she is still relaxed, which if you knew my mother you would know what I mean that rarely other than in the morning is she relaxed. I know my father gets immense satisfaction and joy out of his time in both of his gardens and each is important to him and provide enrichment to his life as well.
ReplyDeleteI think a true test of whether eros is mutually given between a husband and wife is when both are ready to leave, and have to opportunity to leave, and chose to stay. Only an eros type of love can cultivate that type of emotion. Many times, one or both partners have a legitimate reason to exit the relationship. The beauty of eros, which God embodies so perfectly in agape, is that he does not leave us, even when it is reasonable, just, and the opportunity is there.
ReplyDeleteYou made a good point, that people divorce and move on because eros wanes. They feel like falling in love is easier than being in love. What they don't realize is that falling in love is not really an attitude that they happen to be be good at, but an emotion. And emotions are transient, uncontrollable things that, by very nature, can't provide long term satisfaction.
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